Weekly Update: Feeling Great about Feeling Awful!

I feel great. Actually, that’s not really true. I feel awful. I’m exhausted and all I want to do is lay around eating bad food and do nothing productive. In fact, even thinking about being productive is more than I want to do. And, to be perfectly honest, this post was written behind schedule as a direct result of that feeling. But at the same time, I feel great because I know what this is all about; I’m (extremely) low on Mental Fortitude.

How do I know? One of the core concepts in the Mana Matrix is that the Outputs are how we use the four Core Energies. So, it would reason that if I had a limited ability to actually use a particular Output, then I must be low on the underlying Energy. In my current situation, I have a generally positive Attitude, so Emotional Mana isn’t the problem. I have the Stamina to physically do things, so Physical Health isn’t at issue here. And I have the desire – i.e. Motivation – to do things, so Spiritual Energy isn’t off. The issue is that I have no ability to focus on the things I want to do – i.e. low Acuity. Ergo, I’m low on Mental Fortitude!

I totally shouldn’t be excited by that, but I really, really am! Because being able to figure out why I feel this way has so many additional benefits. For one, I have this really bad habit of treating myself to a nice helping of self-recrimination every time I feel like this (i.e. non-productive). It always feels like a PERSONAL FAILURE (caps, bold, and underline included). But, now I see it’s just a matter of being a little low on fuel.

But, you might say, perhaps you’re low on fuel because you don’t have enough (FAILURE), you don’t recover it very well (UN-DISCIPLINED), or you spend it too carelessly (YOU SUCK). But now that I know that the issue is low Acuity, I can examine my use thereof. And what do you know, I discovered that I’d been using a lot more than I’d realized… to do my job.

You see, every client I work with it different. The one I’ve been working with recently is more complex than usual. Therefore, doing my job has required a lot more Acuity than usual. That’s it. It’s that simple. I have less Mental Fortitude because I’ve been using more of it. What’s more is that I am almost done working with this particular client. So, if I do nothing at all, I’ll be right as rain – or close enough – in just a few short weeks. Simple.

And in the meantime, I have the four Inputs of Mental Fortitude that I can leverage to increase my available energy. So yeah, I’m out of mana, but I’m not out of options. That’s why I feel great about feeling awful!

See you at the finish line!

–The Jack of Spades


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